Chinese Compassion

The following letter was published in the Iowa Source soon after September 11, 2002:

For the last year and a half my husband Tim has been doing work for a Fairfield based company in southern China. I have spent several months visiting him and had the good fortune to see a bit this great country. I have long admired the Chinese sense of style and color. My hand mixed paints for our former house were even based on classic Chinese paintings. This wonderful mysterious place that only lived in my imagination has been replaced by an even more wonderful mysterious place now complete with faces and friends! Friends in the US have asked what the Chinese people's attitude is towards the US tragedy of September 11, and I would like to share what I have heard and experienced with you.

The Hong Kong news reported the Chinese government expressing great sadness, outrage, and extended condolences to the American people. Many, many bouquets and wreaths of flowers were taken to the US consulate in Hong Kong by Chinese people. Several Hong Kong churches held prayer meetings. In the Hong Kong Scottish country dance newsletter condolences were expressed on the front page. Here in mainland China, I notice people's responses to me are either more silent, respectful and observant or more openly friendly. Security has been increased and we now see armed guards at the ferry terminal that goes over to Hong Kong. When Hong Kongers on the street were interviewed, many expressed sadness for the recent US tragedy. But then some people have been quoted as saying they thought they thought the US was imperialist. I had to look up the word to figure out what they meant. Once I read the meaning of the word I could see their point. I read in the South China Morning Post that a high ranking person in the Chinese military said that China was supporting the US anti-terrorist campaign for economic reasons. This person said that they saw the US as a long term enemy of China. As you can imagine I found this a bit chilling. It is not like I can blend in around here if the going gets tough. But then I got to thinking and realized that yes, every country has these sticky histories with many other countries. Everyone has their own personal reasons for banding together at this time, but we are banding together and that seems to be, in my view, one of the most important positive outcomes of this tragedy. Overall I feel quite safe here. Given all the unknowns of our future, I plan to stay here and come home when Tim returns. It is good to be together right now and I don't want to travel separately.

Two days after the September 11 tragedy I had an experience that made me realize how lucky I am to be alive and to be here in China. I was still in shock from hearing the events from home, but feeling quite steady and looking forward to getting a massage. I had Tim's translator Ben call ahead and reserve one of my favorite masseuses, Ah Peen. That is my phonetic spelling of her name. She is a teeny, tiny, delicate and beautiful woman who is about 20 years old, strong as an ox and as intuitive a masseuse as I can imagine. Ah Peen also has some of the most interesting pronunciations of my name; Nobbie, Dobbie, or almost anything that is two syllables and ends with an "E" sound. She always greets me with a big smile and her latest rendition of my name. I have learned to respond to a wide variety of sounds. In turn, I give her a smile and my latest rendition of her name.

The Chinese massages here start with the head and face. When done well, it seems to erase fatigue and strain I didn't even realize I had. That day in particular it felt so wonderful, but I think, due to her expertise and her strong nurturing energy, the floodgates of my emotions broke open. Tears started to flow and I was engulfed in grief. I was embarrassed but felt helpless to stop the flow.

She first thought my response was due to the massage, and started saying "solly, solly", her pronunciation of sorry. Since we are limited in our ability to communicate with each other, all I could think to say was "It's OK, it's OK". Finally she came around and looked me right in the eye and started stroking my arm. She started talking to me, talking to me as if I could understand what she wanted to tell me. She asked questions and I couldn't understand and was finally able to remember enough Chinese to tell her so. She didn't give up. She slowed down her speech and finally I heard her ask if I was American and I said yes. The compassion from her was as impressive as her massages and she said some very soothing words that went far beyond the level of language. Then she said something fairly fiery about the incident that I could tell was not pointed at America. I cried on and off during the massage, and she murmured little bits of comforting sounds. During it I lay there wondering if the US goes to war would my ability to communicate in Chinese become more pressing, when would I be able to go home, what do the rest of the Chinese people think about this incident and will we be welcome and safe here. A wind blew around in my head and a gaping hole ached in my solar plexus.

Ah Peen hung in there with me and knew all the right points to go for. She seemed to be able to tell when a wave of emotion was coming up and would go for points that would release everything and I would settle down again. At the end of the massage I called a translator and had him express my appreciation. Her response was that she wanted to help more, and was sorry she couldn't communicate more freely.

During the massage, I again began to wonder about many things, as I am sure we all have over the last couple weeks. A major one is what am I doing with my life and how can I make best use of my time here. Another is, what do I have that can begin to be of true value and comfort to others. I realized we all have so much to learn from each other and if I was somehow not able to get home, I could easily come out the better for it. The East and the West have so much to learn from each other. I heard from a close friend this morning and she stated how this was our chance to show the world and universe what we were really about, who we really are -- for better or for worse. Everyone is watching and waiting to see what and how the US will respond to this incident. The Chinese name for the US translates as 'beautiful country' and we are in a sense the beautiful people. I pray we can take actions that live up to that title. Take care and stay safe. Love to you all.